Cock: It’s Not Just for Dinner Anymore
If you’re not a follower of celebrity tween gossip—and ahem, who isn’t—you may have missed out on TMZ’s photos of Miley Cyrus licking dick. That’s cake dick, actually, which seems like a slightly odd birthday cake to give to one’s boyfriend, unless dear Liam swings both ways. In addition, whoever snagged a pre-candle-blowing bite from the tip made the cake look like it has a gapping sore at the head. Who wants an edge piece? And who wants the herpes piece? Nonetheless, it looks as tasty as the real thing.
I am no virgin to confectionary genitals. Chocolate penises on a stick are a common bachelorette party favor. Even Suri Cruise was caught with a bag of gummi penises in hand before mom made her return them. Symbolic of two things we all need—sex and food—or more specifically, sex and chocolate, penis cakes are a true homage to life’s necessities. But, do fancy cock cakes need to be relegated to the A-listers and their children? No!
Perhaps you can’t afford a professional to mold the most delectable genitalia, but the average person with a bit of fortitude can come real close. Really, what adult party is complete without such a cake? And think of all the great FaceBook photos you’ll get, assuming your friends already have an irretractable means of income. If not, what better bargaining chip than a penis-licking photo?
You could go the easy route and get a penis mold from a sex store, or you could go mold-less if you have a way with cake, knives, and round cutters. I won’t bore readers with the how-to, as YouTube has a plethora of videos. If you want to see perhaps the world’s most inappropriate use of a cock cake , check out this Youtube video. Um, really, mom and dad chanting penis licker while their 19-year-old daughter takes a lick from the white-icing enhanced tip? And while minor child sits silently in the background. Aren’t mom and dad worried this youngun will involuntarily chant penis licker during every school birthday celebration?
Enjoy the penis cake; just keep it out of the family! And don’t forget surreptitious photo ops. I bet TMZ photographers were glad they did.
