So, you’ve been with your partner for a while. You love each other, you trust each other and you feel totally secure in the relationship. The only blot on an otherwise perfect relationship landscape is the fact that one of you fancies a threesome while the other one is a little…reluctant shall we say. How do you come to a resolution that works for everyone? And if you decide to hit the hay (so to speak) with a third person, how do you make sure that it doesn’t cause major head fuck afterwards? Here are some top tips and thoughts from people who have been there, done that and lived to tell the tale.
First up the pros – what are the benefits of having a threesome?
Well, there’s the simple fact that lots of people find it a huge turn on. The fact that it’s not something you necessarily do every day and is a little bit risqué can lead to a red hot sexual experience for all concerned where sensations are heightened and you find yourself in a totally new sexual space with your partner. Lots of people also really enjoy seeing their partner fucking or being fucked by someone else. It’s new, it’s exciting and it can be the ultimate fantasy fulfilment.
It also takes you out of your comfort zone and can be a great way of learning new things and discovering new techniques. This can be particularly helpful if you’ve fallen into a bit of a sexual rut. It’s a bit like brainstorming – the more people throwing ideas into the pot, the better the end results!
Thirdly, it can be a safe way of exploring any desires you might have for someone of the same sex.
On the other hand, there are plenty of reasons why a threesome might not be the best idea for you and your partner. A lot of people report that the idea was a lot better in theory than it was in practice and when it came to the crunch they found the experience very disconcerting. It takes a very secure woman to feel totally happy with the fact that her partner is doing things to another woman that he usually only does to her. And even if boundaries have been laid down initially, we all know how easy it is to get carried away in the heat of the moment. So the no fucking, only kissing rule can quickly go out the window – particularly if you’ve all had a few drinks beforehand.
Then there’s the issue of body insecurity – which to be fair is probably going to be more of a concern for women than it is for guys. It’s just how we’re wired! If the threesome is a ‘two girls and a guy’ situation the fact is most women will end up comparing themselves to the other naked female body in the bed. And if the comparisons aren’t favourable it can lead to horrible feelings of self-doubt.
So, with all this in mind is there a ‘safe’ way of enjoying a threesome unscathed? The answer is, it totally depends on the people involved. But there are some things to bear in mind before you make your decision.
The most important thing to remember is that it must be a mutual decision and you must both feel 100% sure that it’s something you want to do. If one person even has the vaguest doubt then the advice is – just don’t do it. It’s not worth it and can be really damaging to the relationship. So talk about it loads beforehand and make the decision together.
Another key thing is to decide who the third person is going to be. Again, anecdotal evidence would suggest that it’s better for that third person to be a stranger rather than a friend. If it all goes horribly wrong then at least you never have to see the person again. If you decide to get a friend in on the act it could ruin the friendship as well as the relationship. So consider going to club where lots of other people are there for the same reason, and better still a club that has certain rules or ‘etiquette’ for threesome play. They do exist and far from being seedy can actually be great fun where you’ll meet other like-minded people.
Finally, whatever you do stay safe. Don’t take any risks with your sexual health. Always use condoms and leave nothing to chance. At the end of the day just ain’t worth it.