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Sure, having an orgasm is great – but sometimes you’re just not in for it. But you can still enjoy sex without orgasm (Karezza) and have fun without the hot finale!
But surely you want to show commitment and get started? And align everything to that one goal, and do everything you can for it? But not always during sex.
Because, whilst the main aim in your job, or during sport, is to get to the goal, satisfaction in bed is not always just a simple question of ambition.
The experience that orgasm comes when it wants (or not) is familiar to most women.
That’s why here comes a plea for enjoyment instead of pressure to perform. This is better for you and love – and now it even has a name: Karezza (also known as Coitus reservatus).
However, this does mean above all that you don’t need the ejaculation of the man to have good sex. But even women don’t have to put themselves under the pressure to come either.
How many women don’t have an orgasm during sex?
The partners of the two practically always come. Annoying, but normal, research confirms:
Women come in a relationship about 80 percent of the time, singles about 70 percent, according to a study by the University of Indiana. This discrepancy is then called the “orgasm gap”.
Why do women often not have an orgasm?
There are many possible reasons for a lack of climax. One of the most important: Lack of stimulation.
For many women, sex is the sub-optimal pathway to orgasm because the clitoris is not sufficiently stimulated.
But over-stimulation in the central nervous system can also be to blame: stress and distraction cause more trouble for women than men.
Or have you ever experienced someone suddenly saying “You, the dishwasher is rattling” or “Crap, I can’t get down”?
The male brain is designed to ward off all distractions – the female one not so much.
Perhaps because only the orgasm of the man is necessary for reproduction?
What other reasons are there for orgasm problems?
Of course, the form of the day also plays a role. In addition, medications such as antidepressants, anxiety, neurological problems can also hinder the pleasure high.
Even the social claim that you also have to function in bed can be stressful:
“Many feel stressed by the pressure of having to come,” says sexual physician Dr. Elia Bragagna from Vienna. “But achieving an orgasm and having to make an effort for it doesn’t fit together.”
According to Bragagna, 76 percent of women are happy in love and life, even if they don’t always experience a climax. Orgasm is a possibility, not a duty.
Of course, sometimes the man needs a helping hand too – so why not read our article about sex tips for men for some great ideas.
Can sex be better without an orgasm?
Simple answer: Yes, it can. And that’s when you’re more likely to get involved in the sex itself and not work too hard towards a goal. This also means: Don’t just consider “the one” as sex.
Many couples equate sex with penetration. With the result that everything else is degraded to “foreplay” before it goes on to the “real thing”.
For many women, manual and oral sex is the best way to the most intense arousal. “Men should accept that women are the expert for their lust.”
In addition, you should learn to appreciate the pleasure of each other in its entirety. Sex has intense moments even without orgasm, “such as the pleasure of intense closeness, the feeling of feeling the partner inside you, the fun of being birded, or the shudder when you look into each other’s eyes.”
That’s why it’s like on Instagram: Don’t miss the most wonderful moments while you make an effort to stage them perfectly!
3 tips on how to enjoy sex without orgasm
In order to enjoy sex without orgasm, you have to concentrate above all on the beautiful experiences and feelings that arise during intimate togetherness and that tend to get out of sight when hunting for the climax. Here are a few ideas:
#1 Don’t undress straight away
Do you remember, earlier when cuddling? You didn’t rush to get naked – and it was so exciting. That cries out for repetition!
Therefore, the simple trick: Keep the clothes on. Rub yourself against his hip as you reach into his crotch. You stimulate your clitoris and control the rhythm yourself.
#2 Show your desire
What makes women sharp? This is not a stupid men’s question, you should answer it yourself. For example, that it makes you want when you feel the male desire.
So let him watch how you enjoy sitting on it or how you stimulate yourself with your finger. You love his excitement, he loves yours, that’s how it goes back and forth.
#3 Don’t stop abruptly
One more important question at the end: What to do if your partner has already come? Rewind! Do what turns you on during foreplay and get a vibrator.
In arousal, the brain is open to new experiences, so you can now test things that you would otherwise have inhibitions about. If restlessness does arise in you, ask your partner to stroke you a little more or massage your back so that the intimate moment does not end so abruptly.
Fake an orgasm if you don’t have one!
Better not. Sure, sometimes you’re tempted to pretend. So that there are no questions, or he feels like a good lover. But is that your job? Isn’t it more important to be honest with each other in a relationship? Also: Do you get an orgasm to make HIM feel good? No.
It is important that he understands that although he can contribute a lot to the fact that you come (what, you can best show him yourself), but that there are also other reasons why your orgasm sometimes fails to happen.
He has to deal with that, he must not see it as a “failure” for himself, and he should develop just as little sporting ambition as you do.
Sex without orgasm can be just as beautiful and fulfilling as the one with. It is important that you do not fixate on the climax and also make it clear to your partner that sex is about more than the finale.
Of course, if you really must have a climax, you can always practice delaying orgasms.