Anal sex (with a female partner, at least) is a bit like marmite. (Too visual? Sorry!) Because most women either love it or hate it. They’ll either recoil in horror at the mere mention of the subject – probably because they’ve already had a rather unpleasant experience with a partner who didn’t really know what they were doing – or their eyes will light up as they tell you how amazing it is and why we should all be having more of it. Bit of a generalisation there we know, but the point is there isn’t really such a thing as a ‘middle ground’ when it comes to anal.
So in the interests of giving anal a fair chance with everyone, here are some things to bear in mind if you’re thinking about giving it a go.
The key thing to remember is that if you don’t take your time to get it right it can bloody well hurt – a lot! And if it hurts a lot the chances are there won’t be a second chance to get it right.
So, rule number one – lube, lube and more lube. The anal passage doesn’t produce its own lubricant so you’ll need to use a really good quality lube every time you attempt anal. Silicone-based products are the best bet because they won’t dry up as quickly as water based ones. Avoid Vaseline as its way too sticky.
If you want your anal adventure to be successful then you need to make sure that the lady in question is REALLY turned on, so put the time and effort into the foreplay before you go anywhere near her butt. Teasing is the name of the game here, use massage oils all over her body, pull out all the tricks and pay attention to every inch of her, doing all the things you know she loves. Only when you’re sure that she’s really ready should you attempt entry through the back door.
Now, the condom question. Even if you’re in a monogamous committed relationship we would recommend using a condom. A bum full of semen is not a whole lot of fun for anyone, and if your lady’s bum is not used to the presence of your penis then things could get a little messy in more ways than one. Not just for her but for you too. To paraphrase the lady with the very famous butt, if you like it then you shoulda put a condom on it.
And finally, be prepared for things to be a little bit awkward the first time around – both physically and psychologically. Anal takes practice and it certainly isn’t for everyone. Give it a go, experiment and see how you get on, but at the end of the day if your lady really doesn’t enjoy it then don’t push her on the subject. It can feel pretty invasive if it’s not invited and if you love your partner, the last thing you want to do is hurt her in any way.