Staying with our kink theme for one more blog (OK there may be one or two more somewhere down the line!) here is a glossary of terms frequently used in the Kink World. Cos you just never know when they’ll come in handy!
Kink: This is a fairly general term that covers all bases and includes everything from fetish and fantasy to role play, games, kinky sex, BDSM, sadomasochism and dominance and submission. So if you happen to hook up with someone who tells you they’re into ‘Kink’ it might be worth asking them to elaborate – just in case you’re not a fan of pain!
BDSM: This is an abbreviation of B&D which stand for bondage and discipline, and D&S or sadism and masochism. BDSM antics usually involve the consensual (an absolute must) use of constraint – usually ropes but can involve straps, handcuffs and other restraining devices. Sensory stimulation and power play are also very important in this type of sexual expression. If you’ve never tried it before, we’d recommend it. It can be a pretty intense experience!
Dominant: This is the person who takes the ‘power’ role in kink play. Men are usually referred to as Dom, while females are known as Dominatrix, Femdomme or Domme. The Dom/Domme might take on the role of disciplinarian, parent, teacher, abductor, owner or whatever else floats their kinky boat while the other person in the power play is the submissive. In a ‘scene’ (seriously someone needs to write a kink play!) the Dominant is the person in charge and is therefore known as the Top, while the sub is known as the Bottom and has things done to them. Still with us? Good – pop quiz later 🙂
A switch: This is someone who gets a kick out of playing both roles and is happy to switch around in the scene. Anyone who is new to the Kink world usually tries switching for a while until they discover where their natural talents lie, so to speak!
A scene: As you’ll probably have figured out this is the space where people let their kinky imaginations run wild and act out their fantasies. Play is also another term commonly used in BDSM. If you’re someone’s Dom or Sub you might be referred to as their ‘play partner’.
Limits: Before the whips, chains and handcuffs come out it’s really important to establish what your limits are, be they mental or physical. Your Dom/Domme might really get off on the idea of being a slave owner and having you as their slave, but at no point should you ever feel degraded. It’s not at all what role play is about. If you start to feel shit about what’s going on use that safe word!
Safeword: It’s common in BDSM for people to use a pre-agreed safe word that let’s the other person know you’re not exactly over the moon about how something is developing. Lots of Kinksters use ‘yellow’ and ‘red’ for obvious reasons. If this doesn’t work for you, as we mentioned in a previous blog, there’s always the good old fashioned stop!
Consent: A no-grey-areas agreement that you give your consent to what is about to happen. This is the bedrock of all kink activities. We are all entitled to do whatever the hell we like with whomever the hell we like in the comfort and privacy of our own homes – just as long as all players in the scene know exactly what the script is!