Reading time approx: 10 minutes
The subject of BDSM is on everyone’s lips, and quite rightly so. But only a few people know exactly what it is, and that’s because it is more than just flogging and whipping. What is BDSM? In this article, we’ll introduce to you exactly what it means.
What the difference is between a sub and a dom, or a master and slave. What makes a switch, and everything you need to complete a successful BDSM session.
In this introduction to BDSM you will be guided through the various technical terms that you need know, in order to create a perfect basis for your successful BDSM experience.
What does BDSM mean?
BDSM stands for Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission, and Sadism and Masochism.
Thus uniting the main components of sadomasochism. Bondage and discipline stands for bondage and parenting games. This describes any action as a role that one takes in the meantime.
Dominance and submission means exactly what it says. During the act itself, it needs a more dominant and a submissive part. This division can only last for the BDSM act, but in some cases it can also run throughout a persons everyday life.
This kind of relationship is then called “24/7 relationship“. Sadism and masochism is probably what comes to mind first when you think about BDSM.
Sadism and masochism is once the pleasure of causing pain. This means practically as much as that these people feel arousal while hurting someone else, or humiliating. This is achieved, for example, by tickling torture or spanking.
On the other hand, the desire to feel pain, which also leads to a feeling of pleasure for this kind of person.
SSC – Safe, Sane & Consensual
Safe, Sane and Consensual is the be-all and end-all and the ‘motto’ of the BDSM scene.
It means “safe, with clear intellect and mutual consent” and is intended to protect all those involved primarily from abuse and other things that do not happen intentionally.
It thus sets a clear framework of rules, which is what is needed in this respect.
In the BDSM and sadomasochistic scene, it is particularly important to communicate and adhere to these rules. It is of great importance for the people who practice this type of sexual pleasure to emphasise this. Because volunteering and trust are the foundations without which the exercise of BDSM would be almost impossible.
Therefore, in this introduction to BDSM – the key thing to remember is the motto “Safety First”.
There are also numerous signal words for this, which are usually set before the act, so there can be no miscommunication during the session. This is known as the ‘safe word’ that can be your code when it comes to BDSM play.
Usually these are safe words that can act light traffic light signals – green, yellow and red. A ‘green’ safe word stands for a simple “Everything is ok”. A ‘Yellow’ safe word slowly leans towards a physical or psychological limit. While the ‘red’ safe word stands for an immediate end to all performed deeds – therefore a clear stop!
These signal or safe words can vary from person to person, because the word itself is by no means important. The only important thing is to clearly deny borders, and to occupy them with a suitable word.
It’s also a good idea for couples to have safe words that they can use when meeting other couples for BDSM play. These safe words are a signal to end a sesssion that is not working, or where you don’t feel comfortable at that present moment in time.
Thus, the right communication is a must to experience a perfect BDSM experience.
Is BDSM too hard for you? Then maybe Slow Sex is better suited for your gentle manner
Dom and Sub
Within the BDSM scene there is often talk of Dom and Sub. But what does that mean?
You have certainly heard one of these terms in the course of your life. Dom stands for the Dominant partner, while Sub is the Submissive partner.
Most of the time, people are seen as they were meant to be. But in the BDSM world they are more about the characteristics during the event. So, in practice, how the person behaves is sometimes different to their normal everyday character.
The sub is led by the dom during the session as they tie them up, whip them, or simply humiliate them. After all, bondage discipline is big in the BDSM community, particularly for dom and sub sessions.
In return, the submissive is prepared to submit and surrender completely to the actions of the dom. For example by a BDSM punishment. For both parties, sexual appeal is paramount – and the pure pleasure.
It is also important to know that this practice is not exclusively a sex game, or the BDSM act itself. These can also be everyday things in which one part simply dominates the other, and therefore not just about the bondage discipline play.
Often submissive people long to be dominated by others, and thus to give up all responsibility, simply to let themselves fall.
It is even often observed that career people who have a lot to say in their profession, enjoy taking a submissive part during sex. Therefore they are seen in a different light. So exactly the opposite of what makes these people good in their professional world, and even better in the BDSM community.
This is very interesting and shows once again that sexuality and preferences are not always visually recognizable.
So in most cases only the communication remains to define and determine the different roles.
Master and Slave
Master and slave means exactly that – the names are programed and are pretty much self-explanatory.
Most of the time, outsiders assume that a sub and a slave are the same, but it’s a little more complicated than it seems at first glance.
The relationship between a dom and a sub is a power play. Wheras the relationship between a master and his slave is more like a formal relationship model, rather than ‘playing’ in the BDSM world.
However, it can be said quite clearly that a slave always takes the submissive part, while a sub does not have to be a slave.
In the relationship between master and slave, the slave takes care of the needs of the master, but it does not matter whether it relates to everyday life or sexuality.
Also, a slave cannot end the relationship with his master, as he has given up all rights to his master.
In fact, this cannot be legally enforced, but the imagination plays a part in it. It is important to know that this is a voluntary and self-determined distribution of roles, which is so desired by all those involved. Otherwise, a master/slave relationship would not be possible.
Even if it doesn’t look like it, the mutual respect of one’s own desires and actions is a prerequisite for a successful master and slave relationship, however one wants to interpret it, because nothing happens without permission.
Sadist and Masochist
These terms are again pretty much self-explanatory, and lead us nicely into the world of pain play.
A sadist stands on intentionally inflicting pain on someone, while a masochist is able to erotize inflicted pain – therefore this is where the term masochism comes from.
It makes them so excited to get inflicted pain and that also leads them to a state of erection/arousal. As different as these preferences sound, they are also close together, because they both draw their physical sense of pleasure from the experience of physical borderline experiences.
But again, nothing works without communication.
A sadist and masochist, however, is not about an interpersonal relationship, as with a master and slave. This is a pure act and its sense of pleasure.
In addition, you should know that pain does not alway mean pain and, that an individual feeling of pain is not measurable. Which means that someone doesn’t have to feel pain which may seem unbearable to you.
For this reason, the limits are set in advance. Just like the toys that are used in the meantime. Everyone has different preferences.
What does a switch mean?
A switch is a person who can take the active but also passive part during a BDSM session. The term ‘versatile’ can also be used here, similar to someone is both ‘top’ or ‘bottom’.
You can also be a switcher if you are still a sub at the moment, but you are playing with the idea of being dom in the near future.
In addition, there are people who take on different roles in different relationships, whether everyday or purely sexual. The important thing is that you don’t have to commit yourself at all, because it’s all about your preferences, which can of course change, like everything in this life.
One should be free of role models, as they can switch again and again. The concept of role has nothing to do with the actual sex.
In this respect, it is easy to try out and swap the roles until you find your right part for you.
Who is BDSM suitable for?
BDSM is as diverse as sexuality itself. There are no general rules or prohibitions, and there are no limits to your imagination.
BDSM is suitable for people who want to reinvent or try out. Those who want to give up control or are interested in the feeling of dominating someone else.
Maybe just try both parts. There are numerous toys that intensify the act.
Try it out with a partner you trust. In addition to communication, trust is the key basis for BDSM. Try your way out and let your imagination and secret thoughts run wild, because if not here, then where?