Tips for Coming Out
The holiday season can sometimes bring up sensitive issues for people and families. Naturally more time is spent with those we’re close to so these issues are more salient than they may be during other times of the year. One such issue is coming out to family. If you are coming out, know that there’s no formula to doing so but some planning can help to make it a positive experience. Here are some tips:
- Choose the right time. Don’t wait until there’s a crisis or if you feel pressured by someone, and definitely don’t come out during a stressful holiday gathering. Do it when you feel good about yourself, have support in place, and when your folks are relaxed.
- Approach this in a positive way and not during an argument or when there’s anger as that will only associate it with something negative.
- Practice your lines. “Mom and Dad, because I love you very much I want to share something about myself that’s really important.” Or, “Mom and Dad, I met someone really special and he has some great qualities which I think you would like and admire too.”
- Anticipate their feelings. Generally parents go through a few phases. Initially there might be shock given the new information. If not then they probably already had a clue that you might be gay. Next there’s denial — a defense mechanism to deal with uncomfortable new information. They might say things like, “It’s just a phase you’re going through” or “Okay, now what would you like for dinner?” Feelings of guilt might follow as they accept the info. Reassuring them that you’re happy with whom you are will help to alleviate their guilt and self- blame. This is followed by asking lots of questions and then some form of acceptance.
- Finally, be patient and know that your parents need time to accept and adjust to this. Just as it took you a long time to come out, it will take them time too.
